My hiatus in life

Losing parents is life changing. We lost our Dad last year, few weeks before I left Mexico.  As soon as I arrived in the Philippines, I just wanted to be home and be with my brothers and sisters and their families. Suddenly, my career lost its luster.  I just want to be home.  I am meant to move to another job in another country but because of processing of visa and documents from the government that is taking so long, I am still at home which I am so grateful to God. Surprisingly, I don't feel the boredom for almost six months of sleeping, playing with our dogs, going out with friends and family, watching telenovela and sleeping again.  It feels so good not to have schedule and I definitely didn't miss the stress to beat deadlines and timelines.  I finally have my break from running after flights and waking up so early in the morning to catch them. I finally have my time on my own ... time that I used for nothingness. I didn't realise it feels so good to do nothing.


I think I am okay after my father's death. I am not as sulky as others but sleeping and ..sleeping more ...helps.  I don't know if this is sign of depression but not being in the cat race is helping me to heal emotionally.  I don't need to control myself from being teary eyed. I don't need to force myself to be strong. I don't need to be attentive and active.  I just need to take life slowly, not to meditate about it because I know that death is part of our life. I just want to live and enjoy the days when nothing matters except to be thankful about life.  Ironic, but this moment of hiatus is maybe the one that I will greatly cherish and not those moments that I travelled and visited different places.  They enriched my experiences in life but sometimes we need a break to appreciate them.

I need to prepare myself again to another journey and I hope this hiatus is giving me enough strength to live alone. I told myself that I don't want to do it again except everyone is saying that moving to Europe might be good to me. I don't really know but as they say, it is not what I did that I will regret. It is what I didn't do.  But for now, I am thankful to God for this moment of hiatus He allowed which I did't plan but I greatly need.